Bambi Alert

By Al Horn

The things people will do just to make an honest dollar. Have you heard about the fellow in Nevada that opened up a rather unique hunting resort? For a mere $2500.00 (minimum), you can hunt women with a paintball gun. The women aren't allowed to shoot back. In fact, they're not even allowed to wear clothes. Well, they do get to wear tennis shoes. Wouldn't want them to ruin their pedicures.

A California television station broke the news on this outfit a few weeks ago. Needless to say, the man who runs this place is ecstatic. His web page is getting hit like crazy and his toll free number is ringing around the clock. Many who are inquiring just want confirmation of the story. Some women's rights groups are up in arms-pardon the pun. Of course, there are a lot of men wanting to get in on the action.

The women participating are well compensated for their roles. They receive $2,500 if they manage to elude the hunters. If their hides take a hit, they still get $1000. Where some people might see this as disgusting and degrading, I see some possible benefits. The first being some compassion for the guys who like to spend a day in the woods with fellow paintball players. The video footage from the TV station would go a long way in explaining what I mean. A segment details a hunter suddenly spotting his prey. The camera shows a shot being taken followed by a scream of agony. The man turns to the camera and boast of his prowess.

Focus not on the hunter but the scream of agony. This was filmed in early summer when the paint balls were warm almost to the point of breaking in the guns storage hopper. When it hits an object it will splatter immediately. Imagine what it will be like in six months when the temperatures drop a few dozen degrees. I can tell you from personal experience. When a paint ball hits exposed skin at forty to fifty degrees; it hurts! That's when a weeding out process will take place. Currently the owner of the business has a pick of rather attractive women to send out. Come December he'll be down to bored housewives and divorcees. It won't take more than a few whelps and bruises, that take a week to fade, and they will figure no price is worth the pain much less the humiliation.

After that, when a husband or boyfriend comes home from a day in the woods complaining about a tender spot on an arm or leg, they will most likely be met with some TLC. In the struggle for understanding between men and women, a blow would be struck for us men. Now, I envision other activities that would shed light on men and the things we receive little or no recognition for.

A knuckle-busting contest where women change auto parts with worn out tools. A slow motion shot of a small toy flying out from under a lawn mower and striking someone's shin. A close up of a hand hanging on a gutter for dear life after trying to get that last fall leaf out of it. I could go on and on but my wife just yelled at me to go change the laundry over. Oh, well. Maybe next time.