Identity Crisis

By Al Horn

Our world is constantly changing. Is it any wonder that we can lose track of who and what we are? One day you have a clear understanding of your position in society and the next day they change the meanings. Or worse, they create new ones and you have to examine the definitions to see if they apply to you.

I just recently came across the term metrosexual. I had never heard of this word despite it's having been in use for several years now. I mulled the sound around in my head for a few days and then went online to get a clearer description. To my surprise, there were many explanations. From them I was able to come to a consensus of sorts. Even though I think I understand the term, I'm not sure how it would apply to me or anybody I personally know.

Virtually all of the descriptions agree that a metrosexual is male. I fit that image according to many of the people I know. Most all examples say this male is 'urban'. Twenty years ago I would have said that excludes me. Today, with urban sprawl, I'm not sure if I fall into the geographical boundaries. It's a close call, one I'm reluctant to make on my own. The rest of the description might define me at heart but not in the physical context. This urban male is said to spend a lot of time and money on their appearance and lifestyle.

If I had a full head of hair, I would probably treat it to gels and conditioners. When all the curl that plagued me as a teenager started straightening out in my twenties, I had it permed a few times to maintain my boyish charm. Evidently, I was a man ahead of my time. Nowadays, I have so little hair it would be a waste of time.

My appearance today may fit the description better than in the past. Twelve years ago I owned one suit and one pair of slacks. The rest of my wardrobe consisted of tee shirts and denim jeans. The turning point came on the golf course one day. A member of our foursome told me my game would improve if I wore slacks instead of jeans. At the time, I was ten pounds heavier than the intended waistline of the jeans I was wearing. The next day I went out bought a pair of slacks, played golf in them, and had to admit they were more comfortable. I think I even shot a better score. Over the next three years I phased out my tees and denims for slacks and polo shirts.

Does this mean I'm a partial metrosexual? If I had more hair I might spend more time on it. If I had more money I would probably try to fit the lifestyle part. The only part of this term I definitely fit is the fact that I'm heterosexual. At least that's what my wife tells me. And around here, her opinion counts for something. Just ask her.