Self-Esteem

By Al Horn

"I'd rather hear someone gloat than whine," I mentioned to a coworker recently. "It's good for their self - esteem."

It's true. If I need help with a project at work, home or at church, give me a gloater any day. If I get stuck with someone who whines about parts or how dirty the work environment is then the quality of the finished product suffers. A person who tends to gloat is usually quick to get on the job, pays more attention to detail, and usually helps to bring about a speedy but desirable outcome. After all, he can't gloat if sub par work is turned out.

At work I will try to single out a gloater for a project that needs to be done quickly and effectively. I don't care how much credit they take as long as everybody benefits from our actions. This person deals with obstacles head on and isn't afraid to ruffle a few feathers to clear our path. I might do more of the grunt work but that's okay as long as the grunt work gets the job done on schedule. A whiner tends to sit back and wait for me to clear obstacles. Not only do I get more involved with the politics of the job but also I usually wind up doing even more grunt work.

At home I chose my neighbors or family with just as much care but for different reasons. With some people I enjoy a leisurely pace so that I have time to find out what is going on in their lives without being too intrusive. A good project that takes a day or two is great for nurturing bonds even if I have to listen to some bragging about their jobs, family or golf game. A neighbor who constantly complains about his job, other neighbors or the weather will make me rush the job and I usually regret the quality of work.

At church I like to work with take-charge kind of people. Whiners wait for me to get things started and sometimes complain about the pace I've set. Standing around waiting for another person to direct the job gets boring and can cause a project to run longer than the time I had committed to be involved. If a gun-ho type gets the ball rolling I can help by encouraging the complainers and making them feel good about themselves afterward.

There are always exceptions to the rule. Sometimes, when you are handed a near impossible job to complete, the gloater will provide a certain amount of amusement when they get bogged down and can't move things at their own pace. At some point they will declare the job lacks the resources to be completed. That's when I work my very hardest to get it finished. It's good for my self-esteem.